the abortion
by mistopher
Summary: Abby helps a friend with an abortion and old memories resurface CARBY!


Abby stood talking to Susan at the admit desk. It was a freezing cold winter morning.  
  
"Hey, do you know that girl, Abby?" Susan asked, looking at a panicked girl approaching the desk.  
  
"Oh my God...Claire?" Abby said to her old neighbor.  
  
"Abby, I'm sorry it's been a while, but I need your help."  
  
"What? My help? Are you sick? Hurt?"  
  
"Can we talk somewhere?" she asked her looking panicked.  
  
"Yea here." she said leading her into an exam room. "what's wrong?"  
  
"I'm... I'm pregnant .." she said starting to cry "but I can't have this baby I just can't do it.I didn't want to come here Rob's best friend works up in OB but I don't have any insurance can you help me? Can we take care of this here in the ER? she asked practically begging.  
  
"Yes I'm sure we can." she said sympathetically "let me get a doctor OK. I'll be right back." she told her. Abby walked out of Claire's room to find Carter. She found him at the admit desk .  
  
"Carter can I talk to you?" she asked  
  
"Yea" he said following her down the hall. She explained Claire's situation and asked him if he would help.  
  
"Of course I'll help" he told her following her into the room.  
  
Carter walked into the room and started to ask her a lot of questions.  
  
"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked her.  
  
"Yes I'm sure" she said with tears in her eyes.  
  
"Have you talked to any of your family members?" he asked her?  
  
"No... no I.." she looked to Abby for help "I just want to get it over with." she said.  
  
"You should call someone a family member or a friend perhaps to help you think about what you want to do." he said trying to convince her to at least think about it some more.  
  
'No please I can't.... I just ...I need to do this can you help me please?" Claire begged him and looked towards Abby.  
  
"Dr. Carter can I talk to you a second?" Abby asked him walking into the hall. "What are you doing?" she asked him when he followed her out.  
  
"What?? we can't let her do this impulsively he said " I'm just trying to help"  
  
"No you're not....you're trying to decide for her"  
  
"Abby she's scared. She doesn't know what to think or what to do" he argued back.  
  
"It's not our job to tell her what to do. maybe this is the right thing to do why are you so sure it's wrong? why can't you just help her? She asked getting more and more annoyed with him.  
  
Carter sighed and went back into the room. "So your sure about this?" he asked again while Abby rolled her eyes. "I just.. I can't have a kid right now it's... it's just not the right time. I'm not meant to be a mother." Hearing Claire's words hit Abby really hard she remembered feeling the same way years before and it cut through her all over again.  
  
"There's other ways to go about this." he said "Adoption maybe?" "But its up to you" Abby said interrupting him. "We can give you some time to think about it." Carter told her.  
  
"Look I came for an abortion and thats what I want!" she said her anger becoming apparent now "Are you going to help me or not?"  
  
"It's OK don't worry we are gonna help you OK?" she said looking pointedly at Carter putting an extra emphasis on the word "we". Carter scribbled something down on the chart..then excused himself. "I'll be right back." She said and followed Carter "Carter" she yelled chasing after him "What's your problem? She needs to do whats right for her or do you even care what she thinks?  
  
"Are you sure she is doing whats right for her? he shot back  
  
"Are you sure she's not? Carter it's her decision if that's what she wants then there's a good reason for it and I'm sure that you don't have half an idea of whats going through her head right now and you obviously don't care either." She spat back bearly keeping her anger in check.  
  
" I do care Abby why do you think I want her to think about this?"  
  
"John you just don't understand" she told him.  
  
"Oh and you do?" He asked more out of spite then anything.  
  
She tried to stay calm but she was to angry "Yes!....I do know OK? I know what it's like to be scared and alone and not wanting to tell your family. Trust me Carter some people aren't meant to be mothers and if she knows that now before she screws up the life of a child then......" She took a deep breath so she wouldn't cry "then that's two lives we were able to help."  
  
Carter looked at Abby shocked at her outburst and no longer sure what he should say.  
  
" John she needs our help and thats what we are here for are you going to help me.... umm her or not?" She asked him.  
  
"What 's the matter Abby?" he asked her getting worried  
  
"nothing OK." she said starting to walk away before he could see the look on her face.  
  
"Stop running away!" he said. but she ignored him and walked back into the room.to set things up for the procedure.  
  
"Every things going to be fine she said as Carter walked in the room a few minutes later.we are going to help you...right, Dr. Carter?"  
  
"Yea you're going to be fine" he told her.  
  
Abby had her best "don't mess with me - you will not win" look on her face as she looked at Carter.  
  
"Abby held Claire's hand during the entire procedure it was a lot harder to do then she thought it would be. She couldn't help but think about the child she had chosen not to have, how scared she had been laying on that gurney in the cold clinic room. It was something she would never be able to forget no matter how hard she tried and she had definitely tried.  
  
As soon as the procedure was completed Carter left the room. and when Abby had finished cleaning up she headed to the lounge she just needed to breath for a few minutes to try to get ahold of her emotions before so went back to work.  
  
Carter walked into the lounge still angry he said " You gonna run away again? or can we talk about this?"  
  
His condescending tone just made her angry all over again so she pretended she didn't know what he was talking about because she knew that would make him mad. "What?"  
  
"You know what. Are we going to talk about this?"  
  
"About *what*?  
  
"Abby"  
  
"Carter"  
  
Carter could feel himself getting more and more annoyed "Fine you know what Abby i'm not doing this. forget it I don't know what your problems is but if you don't want to talk about it fine!" he said and stormed out of the room.  
  
Abby sighed and leaned back on the lockers feeling guilty. She knew she should tell him but it just wasn't the right time he was to angry with her and her with him, to talk about it, it just hurt to much.  
  
"Hey are you OK" Susan asked walking in and seeing Abby.  
  
"Yea." She said with a heavy sigh.  
  
"Are you sure carter looks pretty pissed"  
  
"Well, we just kinda had a fight...." she said brushing it off and walking out.  
  
-------  
  
Carter 2 week old infant in a roll over MVA 5 minutes out!" Kerry yelled Abby we need you.  
  
The baby had a couple of broken ribs but it was going to be OK.  
  
"She's a lucky one" Kerry said "her older brother was dead at the scene."  
  
"Yea at least she has a chance at life now" Carter said looking at Abby gouging her reaction part of him was being sarcastic becasue he was still mad at her but the other half really meant it. It didn't make sense to him that in one room they were ending the life of an infant and just a few minutes later were trying thier best to save another one.  
  
Abby couldn't believe Carter was being like this."I'll take her to x-ray." she said doing anything to get away from Carter as fast as she could.  
  
Abby avoided Carter for the rest of the day she didn't even say goodbye to him when she left after her shift.  
  
"What's up with you and Abby?" Susan asked Carter after she saw Abby leave without saying goodbye.  
  
Chuny and haleh over heard their conversation and looked at each other "Looks like trouble in paradise" Chuny whispered to Heleh.  
  
"Nothing!" Carter said shortly and walked away  
  
----------  
  
Abby was sitting on the couch in her living room thinking about everything that had happened that day she was sitting in the dark with just the TV on even though she wasn't really watching it. She kept replaying the images of Claire laying on that gurney and eventually they turned to images of herself several years ago going through the same thing. She got up and got the photo album that had all the pictures of her and Eric when they were kids. She sat back on the couch and opened it. After only a few pages she was crying. There was a picture of her and Carter at Susan's Christmas party sitting on the end table by the couch looking at it only made her feel worse. It made her feel guilty. She looked back at the pictures of her and Eric she got to the picture of her as a baby, the one they take right after your born, she wondered how much her baby would have looked like her. would it have had her nose? her smile? she couldn't think about it any more it was just to hard she was crying uncontrollably now her whole body shaking. She laid back on the couch and tried to control her tears it was just to much to think about. to much to face, to much to feel. She feel asleep right there.  
  
----  
  
Carter climbed into the jeep to head home he was so pissed off replaying the days events in his mind but the more he thought about their conversation the more it didn't sit right with him. She had been to sure of herself to upset for it to be just another patient there was more to the story and he was almost afraid to find out the rest of it. he started to think about Abby and he felt guilty for the way he had argued with her that day. He wanted her to open up to him to feel safe with him. he just wanted to make sure she was OK he didn't know exactly why everything hit her so hard maybe she was thinking it would have been better if she hadn't been born if Maggie had decided not to have her. he wanted to see her to tell her that wasn't true. By the time he got home he was no longer angry just worried. He let himself into the apartment and found Abby asleep on the couch surrounded by baby pictures of herself and Eric.He felt a pang of guilt in his chest seeing Abby's face it was obvious she had been crying and for quite some time her whole face was red and her eyes were still puffy.  
  
He leaned down beside her on the couch and took her hair out of the ponytail for her. Abby stirred and saw Carter standing over her.  
  
"Hey she said not sure if he was still mad at her or not. he didn't look mad. She gave him a small smile and waited to see.  
  
Carter sat next to her on the couch and took her hands in his "Look Abby, you know if you have something to tell me, I'll listen, but it's OK if you can't right now OK?" She looked down and immediately started crying again she hated that she was crying especially in front of Carter she hated crying in front of any one. Carter saw Abby start to break down and he took her in his arms. "it's OK Abby." he told her.  
  
'Abby tell him' she told herself' you have to tell him Abby go on.' she kept telling herself  
  
"I'm sorry I got so mad today" she said "it just it brought it all back."  
  
Carter wasn't exactly sure what she meant by that but he let her continue.  
  
"It happened with Richard." she started bearly audible at first. " I never even told him. I knew he didn't love me hell I didn't love him either and I couldn't bring a child into this world knowing how much I would screw it up. knowing that things weren't going to work with Richard. John I'm so sorry." she said wiping more tears away. "I just....some people aren't meant to be mother's."  
  
He looked at her in shock it was the last thing he expected her to say he never imagined in a hundred years that she had had an abortion. He wrapped his arms around her tighter and let her continue.  
  
"It has haunted me for years but its something I had to do! I would would never want to hurt a child I could never watch it get sick I just... I couldn't do it." she held him tighter and continued to cry. she felt like she would never stop crying.  
  
"Abby why would you think that! sure there's a chance but that doesn't mean it will happen "  
  
"John I'm just so scared. " she said sniffing back more tears.  
  
"But Abby I've seen you with kids you love them. you would be a wonderful mother." he told her seeing her this upset was killing him.  
  
"Yeah, but they're not MINE. They don't have the disease." she whispered not able to look at him. " John I'm so sorry you don't deserve this you deserve so much better. I'm so sorry."  
  
"Abby" He said taking her hands in his face and forcing her to look at him. whether the child was bi-polar or not we would still love it and we would pull through no matter what because we have each other and it wouldn't matter" he told her.  
  
"What makes you think I want kids with you?" she asked jokingly  
  
"Because I would make the perfect father of course." he joked back  
  
"Yeah....you would. You would make a great father and I wouldn't want it to be anybody else but I'm scared john."  
  
"Abby" he said looking at her seriously I love you, I wanna marry you, and I wanna have a family with you no matter what.happens I don't care as long as it happens with you."  
  
"Abby looked at him and and smiled even through the tears in her eyes. then she kissed him. John rubbed his hands up her back and kissed her back softly. Slowly she pulled out of the kiss and said "John I love you. I love you soo much"  
  
"God Abby I love you too. You trust me right? That no matter what were to happen we would get through it together?'  
  
"Yes" she said smiling at him then she leaned in to kiss him again.  
  
He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and said "Let's get you to bed - we've had a long day" and then he wiped her tears away with his thumbs and he pulled her up.When the were standing he wrapped his arms around Abby and pulled her back against him, then he put his hands on her stomach and said "Abby I really do want a family with you. I want little John and Abby's running around I want them to look like you and have your smile and I want them to have your beautiful eyes. No matter WHAT we will always love them. Some day Abby a little us will be growing inside you and I couldn't wish for anything better."  
  
Abby turned around with tears in her eyes yet again but this time for a happier reason and she looked Carter in the eye "Me either" she said and she was surprised that she really meant it. Lets go to bed she whispered smiling against his lips.  
  
From me ,Kay, Kess, and Jules#2. and kuddos to Krista for putting up with my constant stream of "Does this sound right?" during the revision process. 


End file.
